Mommies Who Drink by Brett Paesel

Author:Brett Paesel [PAESEL, BRETT]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780446506212
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

I say many more things like this in the two hours that follow. I hold Jerri’s hand and tell her that she needs to take more time for herself. I say things I’ve heard on talk shows. I turn off Lana’s voice in my head. The voice that would tell me I’m being duplicitous and patronizing. Lana’s voice that would tell me that this is more about my seeking forgiveness than it is about comforting another person.

After giving Jerri a hug on the threshold of her pale yellow house, I walk north on Highland. My sneakers slap the pavement.

Slap, slap, slap.

I feel a pull in my chest and a sharp stinging behind my eyes. Self-loathing fills me up like bile. I am corrupt. I am untrue. I am evil.

Slap, slap, slap.

I look up into the smog-cloaked hills. I need to feel better. I need to be washed clean. I need exoneration.

Slap, slap, slap.

Where will I find it?

Slap, slap, slap.

But, of course, I know. I will find exoneration where I always find it.

Slap, slap, slap.

I will find it on Friday.

Slap.

On Friday Lana will exonerate me. Lana will fix me. She will fix me with listening. She will fix me with a story about her having done something far worse. The other women will nod and they will all forgive me. Lana will buy me a glass of wine. We will move on to other stories. There will be other stories. I will feel soft. And then Lana will stop. And remember. She will stop and remember the house. She will stop it all to demand every single goddamned detail about Jerri’s yellow house.

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